Past and Present
by Dernhelm from the East
Summary: Before her daughter's first Silver Bell Ball Queen Star remembered important events in her own life.


The Queen asked her handmaidens to leave. She wanted to finish her preparations by herself.

The woman studied her features carefully in a mirror. She was wondering if she was the same Star she had been fifteen years ago? Surely, not. There were tiny wrinkles around her eyes, a different hairstyle, a few excess pounds, and… But the main differences couldn't be seen by eyes. They were inside her soul. She couldn't go through all these happenings and stay the same.

Fifteen years ago her kingdom had been in ruins, her mother had been missing, her wand had been returned to Eclipsa, and she had been all adrift trying to figure out how to deal with all these things. And soon she had realized she had lost her magic. No, not lost - had given to Meteora. That had been precisely what helped her to survive Eclipsa's mortal enchantment. Without a wand, without her magic and - the most irrecoverable loss - without her mother's advice Star had been feeling completely lost and vulnerable. Of course, she had had a father, best friends and the help of allied kingdoms, but even with all these support, the young Queen couldn't have got rid of a terrible sense of guilt. She hadn't been entirely unfamiliar with that feeling before she had become the Queen, but after that, the guilt had overflowed her. Star had blamed herself for not paying attention to studying, for knowing nothing about ruling the kingdom, for her irresponsibility and carelessness, and the most important for taking the true Queen's place. Only her mother could have reassured her.

"Where are you, mommy?" she asked herself with an aching pain in the heart. That kind of pain might be softened with passing years, but it would never go altogether. Star had been searching for Moon in multiplied dimensions desperately seeking any traces of missing Queen and trying to remember any, even the slightest clues from the Realm of Magic which could have led her to her mother. But all of that had been in vain. Probably, Moon had gone for ever, and all Star should do was to accept her loss.

Her sorrowful thoughts were interrupted with a knock on a door.

"Mom, are you still here? Hurry up! I don't want to be late at the ball and miss it all!"

A girl's voice was muffled, but Star recognized a familiar irritation in her tone.

"Don't worry, honey, they won't start without us," she said quickly before her daughter set the door between them on fire.

The Queen heard as the princess went away, and smiled to herself. Little Susan had no horns, no third eye on her forehead, not even a hint of a tail. But her quick temper and flame outbursts said everybody without words who her father was and which kingdom she would rule one day. Star loved her daughter, even with her anger issues. After all, she dealt with similar problems before and knew how to smooth all sharp edges of a demon's nature.

Despite her daughter's ask, the Queen didn't haste. Star lingered looking over rings, bracelets, and necklaces in her jewelry box. She chose a ruby necklace decorated with tiny mother-of-pearl skulls and put it on. "How funny," she thought. In the days of her rebellious youth she had adorned herself with skulls and spikes to express her personality and to irritate her mother, and now they should be a part of her formal outfit.

Star couldn't confess even herself that she prolonged her preparation simply because of afraid. This year the Silver Bell Ball took place in the royal palace of Mewni. The Queen hadn't visited her homeland for twelve years (briefly escapes for corndogs didn't count), and she wasn't sure if she was ready to meet ghosts of the past.

Queen Star Butterfly had been ruling Mewni for three years, and these years had been terrible. They had been lasting like the whole eternity until Eclipsa's return. She had claimed her rights for the throne of Mewni - not for herself but for Meteora, a charming little girl in whose features no one could recognize a terrifying soul-eating monster. And Star had been eager to give the crown back to them. Almost the whole Butterfly family had called her a traitor, and she had known that not all Mewmans had been glad to accept a half-monster as their future Queen, but Star felt like her renunciation was the first genuinely right thing she had done in her life.

The woman closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and exhaled calmly. She was strong, and she could cope with that. Star opened her eyes and gave a small smile to her reflection before leaving her chamber. Her family was waiting.

Queen Star Lucitor nee Butterfly, regret nothing in her new life. She had a loving husband, two wonderful kids, supporting father and best friend by her side. Her new lieges adored their beautiful Queen, and she found the Underworld surprisingly lovely and cozy place to live.

But sometimes, only sometimes, she missed the sunlight.


End file.
